And so Many became One - Depressing vent journal.

An update for those who don't know whats going on in my life (and I know most of you don't care, so maybe it isn't worth the bother of me putting this up here...) I'm pushing my may through exams and life in general. Recently, two of my friends have had mental breakdowns, which in turn almost caused me to do so, and though I managed to keep it together, I'm falling apart now. 

Today, I was told by one of these two friends, one of which wasn't even in school today, that they're both going off to college together next year. I'm perfectly happy for them, don't get me wrong, but that just leaves me...
I've always expressed myself best in story form, so here we go...

There were many of them once, people who understood her. First, it was her entire class, but then she had to move away and none of them have been since. In fact, she got word hat they'd started fighting amongst themselves after she left, which didn't help her mood. The next group of friends she made was a mistake, teasing her the moment she opened up to them, which led her to find one of the worst friends she could have ever made because the school thought she needed help.

Not all things were bad though, one awful friend led to three great new ones, who soon expanded to four. Then, two of them seemed to disappear due to timetables and they weren't reunited until three years later. By that point, she had acquired a small group of 'friends' enough to fill about half a classroom, and that was all she needed. However, only a few of these friends truly understood her.

The first one left the first chance she got, escaping from the school to go to college, but they haven't really spoken since due to communication breakdown. That left six of them sitting around their little table at lunch, soon dwindling down to five as one took a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity to start a new life. There is a slight division between the five, three who understand everything they talk about and two that are completely clueless. These three had been mentally tagged 'the three musketeers' by the person in question, the three who knew precisely what was going on all the time and could respond to it. She got word today that two of the musketeers are moving on, leaving her alone with the clueless ones.

While she realises how stupid she is, constantly off in her own little world and interrupting them, talking too much about stuff no-one cares about, she can only attempt to mend her ways. Her own little world is to become her refuge, the place where everything is okay and all of her problems can be easily solved by one of her own characters with the most ironic ability to accept change. She senses that once three musketeers becomes one, she will close up once again, fearing to make friends so she doesn't get hurt, just like she used to, leaving her truly alone

I'm going to curl up and cry now, it's all I've been wanting to do all day. That and I can't see the keyboards properly through watery eyes